


Nothing

by SpicyCheese



Series: Pieces [3]
Category: Lost Girl
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 22:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1363795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyCheese/pseuds/SpicyCheese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tamsin ruminates over what she's lost, what she feels she never had, and what's left of and for her in the end. Set a month after 4x13, so spoilers for basically everything. Valkubus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a one-shot, and still is, but then I got to thinking about other character's perspectives and so now it's one of a "series" or sorts. You can read them separately, or together, either way makes sense. Hope you like it :)

Tamsin couldn't remember.

She couldn't remember the last time she was sober. She looked down into her glass and smiled at the thought. She picked up the tumbler and rocked it a bit gently, watching as soft glints of light winked back at her from the ice cubes. Not too much winking though- the bar was pretty dark in and of itself. Dark, in every way.

Lately she'd been seeking out these places, trying to find darker ones each time. As if the lighting and the atmosphere (and the clientele) could just swallow her up and bury her forever. She took a sip of her drink. The liquid had long since stopped burning, now it was just numb. Like the tips of her fingers and her nose. Like her head and her heart.

It'd been a month. A month since she died. Destroyed in a blinding flash of light. A martyr. A hero.

"Hero," she mumbled it out loud. No one around her noticed or responded, not that she would have cared if they did. That's the beauty of a place like this. No one gives a fuck.

 _Hero_. That's what Kenzi is. _Was. She's gone now,_ she reminds herself bitterly. But that's what she always was to Tamsin. Ever since Tamsin first met her, she knew the human was special. Tamsin saw Kenzi for what she really was- the glue that held the rest of that group together. The selfless one, the one that took care of the rest. The one that took care of Tamsin.

Tamsin feels a familiar sting behind her eye. _NO_. She grits her teeth and slams a fist into the bar. Bites it all back _. No. No more tears_. She cried for two days solid after Kenzi died. She sat in her room- their room- Kenzi's room, and cried. _God, I hate crying._ She'd curled up on Kenzi's bed, incapacitated by grief. She just laid there, nothing but a snotty, broken mess.

"Pathetic." She sneered and downed the rest of her drink. She made a signal to the bartender to keep them coming.

 _Pathetic_. That's all she'd been since she first came to this town 2 years ago. Well, more specifically, since she met Bo and the rest of the 'Happy Sunshine Gang'. That name always made her laugh- since it wasn't even remotely accurate.

No one was happy. Not truly. And it was Bo's fault. All of it was.

"Bo," she whispered cautiously to the crowded bar. As if saying her name aloud might make her appear.

Bo ruined everything and everyone around her. Because everything and everyone around her seemed to fall for her. And she did mean everyone.

 _Fall for her. Love her. Whatever._ Tamsin didn't need to say any of that out loud though. Especially not to Bo. Tamsin didn't need to declare it, or announce it, because it didn't matter anyway. Not to Bo it didn't. That's what separated Tamsin from the rest of the sniveling, love-sick idiots. Tamsin _knew_. She knew that Bo wouldn't love her, couldn't love her, not in the same way, and she could accept that. She could handle _that_. Especially if Bo didn't know about those feelings in the first place. Less drama that way. Less distraction, less feeling.

She clinked the ice in her glass again _. On the rocks_. Between a rock and a hard place. Tamsin wasn't sure when or how it happened. And until recently, she hadn't even remembered that it did- falling for Bo, that is. Tamsin may never know if it was a moment in the woods before or after they rescued Kenzi, or if it was the kiss in Brazenwood, or when it was exactly that Bo had slipped into her heart and made a home there.

She did, however, know exactly when it was she became Bound to Bo.

"Ughhh," Tamsin sighed, putting down her drink to rub her palms in her eyes. _How embarrassing_.

Valkyries could love, sure. It was a dirty little secret that no one liked to talk about. Why? Simply because when they do, _and they only do once_ , they become bound to that person. Bound in that they are now devoted to that warrior for the rest of both their existences. And for the rest of that warrior's existence, the Valkyrie is bound to protect them at all costs. To die for them.

She bites down on her own lip, hard. She went over that stupid cliff, in her stupid truck, because she thought it would kill the Wanderer and save stupid Bo's stupid life. She became Bound when she didn't kill Bo in Taft's operating room. When she made that final choice and cared more for Bo than she did for her mission, or herself. But going over that cliff…that sealed the deal _._ She gave her life for Bo. And the rest, as they say, is history.

' _You don't understand. I've cursed us both.'_

 _Truer words were never spoken_ , she thought. Tamsin places her hands down again and stares at the bar. It's dark in here and the stainless steel of the bar warps her refection. That's who she is now anyway, a warped version of her past warrior self. Mangled and ruined by love. The love that came unbidden when she met first met Bo in the life cycle before, and love she learned to cherish in this current life cycle. The love she learned from Kenzi.

 _Kenzi_. She grabbed her drink, downing it in two long gulps. Her eyes watered from it this time, and some of the sting registered again. _Kenzi, the Hero_. And Tamsin couldn't save her. Couldn't, because Kenzi gave her life for Bo, and Tamsin was now bound to protect Bo, forever.

As much as she loved Bo, she hated her. Hated her because now Kenzi was gone. It was only a matter of time before Bo was going to come to Tamsin. Come and ask Tamsin to help her rescue Kenzi from Valhalla. And then what would Tamsin say?

 _Nothing_. Nothing is what she would tell Bo. She would tell Bo nothing of being Bound to her, nothing of her love for her, because that's what it amounted to in the end. Nothing.

"Love will get you killed- I _WISH_!" She shouts to a deaf room. She sips her drink, mumbling into it now, "I wish it were that easy." Tamsin smiled and reveled again in the lack of response. She was alone. _I'm always alone_.

Bo hasn't been home. Not that that dilapidated shack is much of a home without Kenzi. Maybe that's how Bo feels too, because as far as Tamsin can tell, she hasn't been back. Not in a month. A whole month. Tamsin spent two straight days crying in Kenzi's room. Alone. Tamsin winces to herself to admit it, but part of her hoped that any minute, Bo would come in. That Bo would be there for HER. Would comfort HER. But no. _She's probably at the doctor's or the wolf's_ , she supposed. Bo could find comfort from them, love from them- or at least sex. But from Tamsin? What did Bo want from her?

 _Nothing_.

Maybe it was better this way. Maybe it was better for Bo to want nothing from her. Tamsin had already given Bo everything. What more could she give?


End file.
